How’s everybody doin’? I’m fine. Not like, “Ooh, she’s fine.” I’m actually pretty below average in the looks department. I’m so below average that one of my exes gave me a “D.” Only once though. Then, he came to the conclusion I wasn’t even worth that. And who could blame him? Not me. You know when you have to lie and say, “I’m such a huge fan of your work!” And then you step away from the mirror and go about your day? The other night this guy handed me the mic at the open mic night and I was…
Author: Steph Westendorf
Steph Westendorf
Stephanie is a writer/actor with a degree in journalism from Boston University, a certificate in acting from the British American Drama Academy, and an inbox full of rejection letters. You can check out her scripts here or, if your attention span is shorter, just follow her on Twitter @itotallyserious.
Get General Kelly to like me (send him a MAGA hat). Ask Ivanka to ask Pence to ask Kelly to fire Mueller. Learn how to say “Go home!” In Mexican. Drink more Diet Coke. Check in with Rogaine to see if they’ve developed the new formula yet. Spend more time with the beautiful women in my life. And my wife and daughter (if time allows). Golf more. Check in with Judge Jeanine to find out how stupendous I’m doing as president. Ask Ivanka to ask Pence to ask Kelly to ask Melania if she’ll consider dyeing her hair blonde. Exercise…