Author: Steve DiMatteo

In what can only be described as the greatest Biblical victory since Jesus dunked on everyone by coming back from the dead, Tim Tebow has truly defeated Satan once and for all. The former pro football player and now minor leaguer, playing for the Class A Columbia Fireflies in the Mets organization, hit a home run in his very first at-bat last week. But how, you might be wondering, does that mean Tebow finally took down the devil, securing for all of us the eternally joyous afterlife we all crave so much? Well, Tebow hit his homer off Domenic Mazza,…

Harmon Killebrew is not just a Minnesota Twins legend, but he’s one of the game’s all-time greats, slugging 573 career home runs (and subsequently getting punished for having a relatively low career batting average – .256 – as he was a fourth-ballot Hall of Famer). But there’s no denying that no one had a better individual 1969 (nice) season than Hammerin’ Harmon. After tearing his left hamstring slipping and doing the splits while trying to field a ground ball in the 1968 All-Star Game, Killebrew returned the next season with a vengeance. After a long seven months of rehabilitation, and…

If you don’t know the Baseball Card Vandals, then I guess you don’t know the most important artists of our time. For so many people growing up in the ’80s and ’90s, collecting baseball cards wasn’t just some hobby – it was a way of life. The sweet sound of a pack’s plastic wrapper ripping open, the smell of a fresh pack of cards, sifting through the bounty to find just one card you could put away into a binder and stare at for hours – all of it was equivalent to a religious experience for any kid obsessed with…

So some kid out there thinks he’s the reincarnation of New York Yankees legend Lou Gehrig. And he and his family think that by claiming he’s Lou Gehrig, and not someone like Babe Ruth, we would all just let it slide and let him and his family have their fun little moment. Forget that. It’s time for little eight-year-old Christian Haupt to prove to me that he actually was the best Yankee of all time (yeah, I said it) in a past life. It’s put up or shut up time, little buddy. Gehrig was a career .340 hitter, blasting 534…

Whether you’re a die-hard New York Yankees fan, or you’re just someone who believes baseball is more fun when the Yankees are World Series-contending villains, you’ll be happy to know that the team’s future is very bright. With a bevy of solid young players making the Opening Day roster, and a host of others waiting for their chance in the minors, the Yankees are once again going to be good for years to come. But what kind of year will 2017 be for the Bronx Bombers? Will they inch forward as a team, or will take a leap into the…

In our celebration of Major League Baseball’s 1969 season (nice), we first take a look at that year’s batting champion, Pete Rose. Rose led baseball with a .348 batting average, followed closely by Roberto Clemente’s .345 average and Cleon Jones’ .340 average. The Cincinnati Reds outfielder would actually beat Clemente for the batting title on the last day of the season, bunting for a base hit in his last at-bat. This was Rose’s best year as a hitter, as he reached career highs in batting average and on-base percentage (.428) while tying his career-high in home runs with 16. The…

Is there anything better than the start of the baseball season? No, of course not. Which is why this week is Baseball Week at Robot Butt, and our lineup is just stacked with heavy hitters. So keep following us here for updates, and be sure to check out our Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram profiles all week (and for the rest of your life) to get the baseball-related comedy you so desperately need.

In the Assorted Deplorables region of the Most Soulless Person to Associate With Donald Trump tournament, we have a true cavalcade of monsters to consider. You could make a reasonable case for any of these people to win the region, and we had to leave off dozens of others who would have been worthy as well. Who will stand alone among the rest when it’s all said and done? Second & Third Round Results We’ve seen in this tournament that it’s essential to come in hot. That’s what allowed the seventh-seeded Paul Manafort to make a run to the Sweet…

In the Family/Trump Org. region of the Most Soulless Person to Associate With Donald Trump tournament, it’s hard to see it going anywhere else but a matchup between Trump’s children. There are so many of them, and each one is unsettling in a unique, horrifying way. But don’t count out Trump’s team of lawyers, lackeys and confidants! Update: Second Round Results To be honest, I thought Melania Trump would go further in this region, and it would appear her decision to avoid President Trump as much as possible (despite costing taxpayers millions of dollars in the process) has really hurt her…

In the Congress region of the Most Soulless Person to Associate With Donald Trump tournament, we’ve got one of the biggest title contenders in entire field: House Speaker Paul Ryan. As he continues to debase himself on a daily basis and make it clear that he truly has no soul with which to stop any of this madness, he only gets stronger for the rest of the tournament. But hey, maybe Mitch McConnell or even dark horse Ted Cruz will have something to say about it. Make sure to follow along here and on our Twitter to see who emerges…