Author: Steve DiMatteo

Now more than ever, we must be vigilant in our quest to learn every day, to fight the suppression of knowledge all around us, and to become a more informed society with a brighter future. This is why every month, we chronicle just some of the search terms people used in Google to find us. And with that in mind, here is an unedited list of search terms people used to find Robot Butt in January: batman penis size sell your soul online have you kissed your aunt butt dinosaur boner biten by scorpion on the penis virgin sacrifice volcano…

Adolf Hitler made, oh, somewhere around 650,000 mistakes during World War II, but one of the most ridiculous ones is that he straight-up slept right through the Allied invasion of Normandy on June 6, 1944. Being the absolutely insane man that he was, Hitler often stayed up super late, but not because he was riddled with concerns about the war effort. No, he spent that time watching movies and goofing around on his own interests like a teenager. So the fact that he slept in until noon on the most important day of the war doesn’t exactly come as a…

Alaska is a reliably conservative state by most measures, but that doesn’t appear to be the case these days when it comes to the legalization of same-sex marriage. According to an Alaska Dispatch News poll from last month, an overwhelming majority of people believe in equal marriage rights for gay couples, which is a surprise given the existing idea that Alaska is a haven for social conservatives. Granted, only 50 percent of Republicans in the poll believe same-sex marriage should be legal, but that still outnumbers the 41 percent who said it should be illegal. And what was the overall…

Otho was considered one of the most reckless young hangers-on of Roman emperor Nero, which is really saying something, since Nero was rumored to dip capture Christians in oil and set them on fire at night in his garden just for a little extra lighting. It probably shouldn’t surprise you then that when Otho introduced Nero to his wife Poppaea, she and the emperor immediately began a torrid love affair and began plotting against Otho. Poppaea then convinced Nero to effectively banish Otho by making him the governor of a faraway province nobody gave a shit about, Lusitania. Unlucky for Nero,…

Here is an unedited list of some of the search terms used to find Robot Butt in December: form to fill out to sell your soul for millions of dollars dinosaur genitalia sexual santa claus worst places desperate to poop matt damon’s nipples frosty the snowman one of us winter hellscape good hardcore chrismass message why isn’t it’s a wonderful life on 2016 apocalypse diet why is santa a good role model kim kardashian bottomless friends theory rachel dead filling diapers artificial intelligence satanic butt family more eating christian hip hop song for christmas is the monster mash based on…

The baseball world is objectively better off when Manny Ramirez is playing in it. You know this, I know this, and God knows this. So you can imagine my despair when I thought Ramirez’s Hall of Fame playing career might finally be over when he became a coach (although I’m fairly certain it was a situation where he just showed up in the clubhouse one day and no one asked him to leave) for the Chicago Cubs. Not so fast! Miracles DO happen, as the 44-year-old has signed on to play in a Japanese independent league for a team called…

I love legendary NFL wide receiver Randy Moss for countless reasons, two of which are because I once met him at the Fuddruckers at the Detroit airport, and because he made Joe Buck clutch his pearls so hard they shattered when Moss pretended to moon Green Bay Packers fans during a playoff game in 2005. But I also love Moss because in his 1998 rookie season with the Minnesota Vikings, he scored 17 touchdowns and amassed 1,313 receiving yards. And he had 69 catches. Then he went ahead and had 69 catches again in 2008 with the New England Patriots. Nice.…

Right now, the world is mourning the death of Pan Pan, who was thought to be the oldest male giant panda in the world at 31 years old, which is the equivalent of about 100 human years. But that’s not the most important thing. What we are really celebrating is the fact that Pan Pan banged a TON of panda babes and almost single-handedly saved his species. Pan Pan, who was living out his final days at the China Conservation and Research Center for the Giant Panda, first became a father in 1991 and now has more than 130 descendants…

I love all things Star Wars as much as the next guy, and I am extremely pleased to see that Rogue One is annihilating the competition at the box office, but I’m beginning to wonder whether Disney’s hubris is about to send the franchise into an inescapable tailspin. As is the case with most movies that top the box office, the new Rogue One TV spots make sure to highlight that fact. Except Rogue One is taking things pretty far in bypassing the worldwide box office and making the wild claim that this is the top movie in the ENTIRE galaxy. How the hell would…

President-elect Donald Trump’s transition is a daily carnival of horrors, but every now and then, something wonderfully silly slips through the cracks that brings a little levity to what is an otherwise anxiety-induced fever dream we are all forced to endure. One such light bit of news comes from Trump’s hunt for the next Secretary of State, which he ultimately gave to Vladimir Putin knob-slobber Rex Tillerson. Before Tillerson, Trump was casting a wide net of potential suitors, from noted insane person Rudy Giuliani (who has proven to be too insane even for Trump, which is an amazing accomplishment) to former…