Author: Steve DiMatteo

We all have our fetishes and fantasies, so who am I to judge a guy who gets off on venomous spiders biting his dong? In Australia, a tradesmen named Jordan was recently bitten on the penis by a redback spider while using a portable toilet – again. The first incident happened about five months ago and, apparently aroused by the incident to the point of obsession, made sure it happened again this week. If you’re wondering why someone would do this, a redback spider’s bite causes severe pain, sweating and nausea, which just sounds like the makings of a good…

Ted Cruz, the moldy hot dog Kramer ate at the Allen Theatre in Seinfeld, made a wonderful miscalculation last Friday by finally publicly endorsing Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump, which followed a very public refusal to do so at the Republican National Convention. After enduring several savage personal attacks from Trump against his wife, his father and himself, Cruz let bygones be bygones because he “promised to support the Republican nominee,” which is a promise he made back when he figured he’d be the one sliming his way to the White House. And obviously, Cruz endorsed Trump to help set up his own…

“When you seek the glory of knowledge, only then will you have truly met God.” – Unknown With that inspiration in mind, here is an unedited list of insightful search terms used to find Robot Butt in August: dog poop monsterbutts.com matt damon nipples a robot sex test what deep needs and desires does colgate advertisement promise to fulfill? bambi mating banging a mcchicken friends fan theories very hot image that can rock the penis big butt gift on valentine’s day david beckham nipples did the sinclair family die at the end of dinosaurs guys nipples turn brown in summer…

In the year of our Lord, 2016, the world has become a grotesque, real-life Mad Libs entry, evidenced most recently by yet another Anthony Weiner sexting scandal. Hillary Clinton’s campaign vice chairwoman, Huma Abedin, who is Weiner’s wife, announced she would be divorcing the disgraced former congressman after he finally completed sending pictures of his penis to every single woman in the country. Naturally, Donald Trump, Republican presidential nominee and a pile of puke brought to life by a genie, jumped on the chance to make this all about rival Clinton. In a statement released on his horrifying website, Trump seems to…

1) Where the hell is my wallet? 2) It fell between the seat during the movie I think but why isn’t it fucking there now? 3) What did I touch that was so moist below the seat? 4) Where is my fucking wallet?! 5) What is the name of this usher telling me I have to leave the theater? 6) Why won’t he help me find my wallet? 7) What was with that alligator man? 8) Son of a bitch, do I just leave the wallet now? 9) Wait, was my Subway card in it? 10) Was it the Subway card that…

Here is an unedited list of some of the best search terms used to find Robot Butt in July: breadsticks in a butt naked mailman show me a picture of clarence carter ted cruz skin suit matt damon nipples trump is a time traveler milking nsfw pizza butts nipple types disney princess pooping sexy tractors lisa frank museum mars is populated by how many robots 50 cent street cred mcdonalds evil grimace dancing pizza brendan fraser’s butt green goblin real life friends fan theory summer nipples how to convince your aunt to kiss you dogs having sex with their owners…

Inspired by the persistent and respectful civil discourse that has permeated this election at every turn, I’ve decided to read as much as I can about the presidency, current events, etc. You know, giant non-fiction books you’d find on your dad’s bookshelf. Anyway, I’m working my way through George Bush’s Decision Points right now, and I came across an interesting passage, where W describes the first time he entered the Oval Office as president, on his inauguration day. “Andy Card was with me as I took my place at the Resolute [desk] for the first time. My first Oval Office decision was to…

Nameberry tracks the popularity of baby names based on on-site searches for particular names. In the first half of 2016, one boy name has rocketed up 49 places in the overall rankings to essentially become the hottest name of the year for parents-to-be. Know what that name is? Aryan. And here we thought Donald Trump brought nothing to the table. The presumptive Republican presidential nominee is giving expecting white supremacists the courage to consider the name Aryan for their baby boys, ensuring they grow up as fine pillars of white society. If Trump actually becomes president, I don’t think anything will stop…

There is something truly magical about the human mind and its eternal spirit, especially when it comes to gaining all types of knowledge. We are such inquisitive creatures; it’s embedded in our very souls. We are desperate to learn more about the world around us, and thanks to the internet, this has never been a more special endeavor. To celebrate that, I wanted to showcase some of the Google searches that brought people to Robot Butt in June. Here is an unedited list of those terms: is the mcrib an inverted pig butt dog poop was jurassic park doomed ripping…

There’s no denying that this election cycle is downright bonkers. And with an economy that is growing at whatever is slower than a snail’s pace ever since the recession, The Wall Street Journal is using Americans’ dark overall view of the economy as just one potential reason for the rise of candidates like Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump. According to a recent survey by the Federal Reserve that details Americans’ economic sentiments, just 23% of people said they expected their income to be higher in the coming year. And most alarmingly, nearly half of the surveyed adults said they couldn’t cover…