Author: Steve DiMatteo

Do you know what separates us from the animals? It’s our unrelenting quest for knowledge, the desire to better ourselves through the ability to learn more about the world around us. To discover everything we were meant to know. To better understand what it means to be human in the first place. The Google searches that bring users to Robot Butt reinforce that notion, which is why I’d like to present to you an unedited list of the most insightful search terms that brought people to the site in May: ted cruz human suit itchy big butt freddy kruger milking a…

There are a lot of great days in the year that deserve to be celebrated, but today is definitely near the top of the list. Know why? Because it’s June 9th. 6/9. Nice.

With the passing of Muhammad Ali, the world lost not just the greatest boxer of all time, but really, one of the great people of all time. Ali was a larger-than-life figure who inspired millions to not just stand up for what they believe in, but to keep believing that they, too, could one day land a punch on a member of The Beatles. But now that he has passed away, I feel it’s important to say this: I totally could have taken a punch from Muhammad Ali. I’m not talking about a punch where he would have taken it…

It is a universal truth that home runs kick ass. And though there are detractors, don’t let anybody obsessed with baseball’s unwritten rules tell you that guys who pimp their home runs, like Jose Bautista, don’t also kick ass. Now, if you’ve got guys who can hit home runs, you’re likely to have a pretty good baseball team. Such is the case for the playoff-caliber Baltimore Orioles, Toronto Blue Jays and Houston Astros, as all three teams feature top-to-bottom lineups packed with players who know how to mash dingers. Here are the three American League teams’ current home run totals: Nice.…

The 2016 NBA Finals are here, and boy should they be a doozy. It features a rematch between the Cleveland Cavaliers and the defending champion, record-breaking Golden State Warriors. The only difference this time is that LeBron James has a fully healthy roster behind him, and a random fan from the stands won’t be asked to play ten minutes every game just to give the starters a breather. Still, FiveThirtyEight, which is in the business of making predictions about, well, everything, gives unanimous MVP Stephen Curry and the Warriors a 69% chance to repeat. Nice.

A few months ago, I wrote that Hillary Clinton was pulling out all the stops in her campaign by trying to seduce me. If you thought she would let up because she locked up the Democratic nomination over Bernie Sanders, you’d be dead wrong. Of course she’s still sending me desperate, flirtatious emails. As usual, they’ve been ranging from what appear to be innocent declarations of love to angry outbursts to attempts at establishing a romantic connection through sentimental holiday wishes. And then, in mid-May, she took things up a notch. When a woman sends you an email with a…

At this point, literally nothing the sentient sack of moldy, bug-infested potatoes named Donald Trump says or does will matter to the people who plan to vote for him to become president come November. Take Trump’s stance on guns in the classroom, for instance. Here is how he responded to a question on Fox & Friends about guns being allowed in classrooms (via The Wall Street Journal); as is the case with everything Trump says, his rambling comments are incoherent at best: Donald Trump said Sunday that he is not “advocating guns in classrooms,” but immediately added, “in some cases teachers should have guns…

When I saw that Macklemore was appearing in President Obama’s weekly address, I thought, “Finally, this administration is doing something productive! The president himself is going to force Macklemore to publicly apologize for poisoning the airwaves and single-handedly trying to ruin music forever.” Somehow, I was wrong. Instead of a tearful apology for “Thrift Shop” “Can’t Hold Us,” or anything else the Seattle-born musician has ever recorded, the president had Macklemore on to discuss the growing opioid crisis and the perils of addiction. It’s an important video highlighting a problem the country absolutely needs to address, but still, how could they…

Here’s a story the LAMESTREAM MEDIA isn’t going to cover. Apparently, according to a “news” “outlet” called Food and Our Health, one brave Christian stood up to the heathens at NASA recently, said some stuff about the Bible, and everyone over there just figured he was right. And then to take it a step further, they just went ahead and assumed everything else in the Bible was true, too. Eat shit, Neil deGrasse Tyson! No sane person can ever argue that there is a better sport than baseball, this much is true. That was only bolstered this week when a hero…

“The way of success is the way of continuous pursuit of knowledge.” – Napoleon Hill, Think and Grow Rich With that in mind, here is an unedited list of some search terms used to discover Robot Butt in April: unknowingly naked robot boobs bernie sanders wearing a trump hat good for a boner sexy woman and tractors ted cruz and the joker robot girlfriend is mcdonalds made of human meat dave coulier butt mom puke son stop smiling at work lady liberty monster statue could there be robot aliens ted cruz is a robot butt seduce what did flo from progressive have?…