Author: Steve DiMatteo

Here at Robot Butt, we’re just happy you found us, no matter how it came to be. That’s the kind of desperation that floats around in these parts. Therefore, we enjoy the excellent search terms that bring visitors to our site, so I figured I’d share some of the best recent ones: penis torture beach breasts awesome cleavage pooping with the door open is iraq a lost cause weird al butt everything butt drops shredder a robot rappers with street cred who listens to country music While it’s concerning that someone would legitimately ask if Shredder is a robot (further proof that…

It used to be thought impossible to spend $300 at Denny’s without your insides exploding from the extreme self-abuse. Until now! Thankfully, an upscale Denny’s has opened in New York City, where it is incredibly easy to drop $300 on a meal for two. With the “Grand Cru Slam” combo meal, you’ll get a bottle of chilled 2004 Dom Perignon and two Grand Slam breakfast meals, which we all know contain eggs, bacon, sausage and pancakes. You might be wondering why in the world you’d want Dom Perignon with your Grand Slam meal, which you’ve typically only gotten while already…

I stand by the notion that Nelly remains criminally underrated. And it’s largely because no one else is going around saying he should be considered for some sort of national monument, or at least a government holiday. I say this for many reasons, but the biggest of which might be for his song “Pimp Juice,” which is truly the most tolerant song of all time. To understand this declaration, we must first define what pimp juice actually is. Nelly’s song describes it as anything that attracts the opposite sex, be it “money, fame or straight intellect.” It’s very important to note…

We could say that the people at Hershey’s made a grave error by designing a new logo that includes what appears to be a neat little turd pile, but that’s not giving their marketing geniuses (who, based on this development, may or may not serve Funyuns at meetings) any credit. They knew they were designing a round, steaming mass of poop, and they knew we’d all notice it. And really, none of us would be spending much time thinking about the new logo if it didn’t include defecation on it. And sure, Hershey took a chance by associating poop with their products,…

Well everybody, we had a good run, but like all magical things in life, Pizza Week I had to come to an end. – What’s that? No, no one promised that Pizza Week would last forever. I mean, it’s specifically in the title that it would last a week, and we still went over that. Anyway, thank you for making it a success! From poetry to pizza fashion to pizza’s ultimate, Icarus-esque assault on the universe, we hope to have expanded your horizons on the only food that will ever matter. We also hope you enjoyed the introduction of Pizza…

We’ve spent a lot of time in the world of Little Caesars for Pizza Week, and for good reason. So guess what? We’re dipping back into that well once again. The company that brought you the $5 Lunch Combo abomination is also about to roll out a pizza that will truly blow your mind and make you rethink your entire role in the universe. Brace yourself for the pretzel crust pizza. That’s right – just when you thought that they’ve tried everything in the pizza world, that it could be completely tapped out of ideas, the industry comes right back…

Here at Robot Butt, we all love Pizza Week, but I’m also afraid of the consequences if I should ever try to put a stop to it. There is this overwhelming feeling that something…something bad could happen if we try to move on to other content. So Pizza Week trucks forward!

Dancing Pizza by Robot Butt is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License. Based on a work at https://www.robotbutt.com/2014/08/20/and-now-some-sexy-dancing-pizza/

We endorse the eating of pizza at all times, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t times when eating pizza could stretch our limits to function as a species. Take the Little Casears Hot-N-Ready $5 Lunch Combo that is being touted all over the place, for example. For that price, you get four – FOUR – deep dish pizza slices (considered a “satisfying” portion), along with a 20-ounce Pepsi product. If you’re not trying to take a three-hour nap immediately after eating a lunch like that, then you’ve made a grave error in judgment. Now, since four slices of pizza are involved,…

Home Alone (and even the sequel) is celebrated in the esteemed pizza community for its liberal use of the food, especially in the realm of practical jokes. One of the movie’s most famous scenes involves the precocious Kevin McCallister pranking the teenage pizza delivery boy into thinking a gun-toting maniac was in the house, ready to kill him for…just delivering the pizza, I guess. Really, it’s merely an example of what could be an early sign of adult violent psychosis for Kevin. But in the context of the movie, it’s just really funny. Did anyone ever try this prank in…