Author: Steve DiMatteo

Like many other comic characters, Archie Andrews is about to meet his maker. In Life with Archie, a series that follows the Riverdale crew as adults, Archie will be killed, sacrificing himself to save the life of a friend. That’s noble and all (i.e. boring), but here are some better ways in which Archie could bite the dust: Jughead puts Archie through a Saw-esque torture maze in a fit of jealous, unhinged rage Unable to ever truly decide between Betty and Veronica, Archie decides to drive his car off a cliff “just to feel something definitive” for the first time in his…

On August 21, FXX will begin airing every single episode of The Simpsons. All 552 of them. The bloodbath will last from that day in August all the way through Labor Day, an endless marathon that will test the resolve and mental stability of even the most loyal fans of the show. So will anyone be able to actually watch every single episode? Is someone out there even insane enough to try and sit through all of it? There are, of course, a few logistical problems: This quest is limited to those without jobs or any other responsibilities, though extra…

Recently, Kathryn Janeway, who will go on to become the captain of the Starfleet vessel USS Voyager in the 2370s, lent her voice talents to a documentary that suggests Earth is, in fact, the center of the universe and everything else revolves around it. While she still has hundreds of years to make up for such an egregious error, there is still the chance that this could alter the very course of history and lead to Starfleet rejecting Janeway altogether. Janeway, under the assumed name of Kate Mulgrew, has naturally apologized for her mistake, but who knows if the damage has already…

WrestleMania 30 happened this past Sunday, which meant viewers got to see a) Hulk Hogan, Stone Cold Steve Austin and The Rock in the ring at the same time, which was pretty awesome and b) some other really goofy stuff. Courtesy of Chris Olds, this might be the best screencap detailing said goofiness: Let’s talk a little bit more about WrestleMania 30. We’re all aware that professional wrestling is pretty ridiculous, right? The problem these days is that the WWE doesn’t exactly embrace it, and the severe lack of fun characters forces the company to take itself too seriously. At…

One of the best sports movies of all time, Major League, turned 25 years old today. It’s a great movie for plenty of reasons: it’s endlessly quotable and hits the perfect spot of being raunchy and hilarious without ever diving into sappy territory. Plus, as the real-life Cleveland Indians continue to find futility on the field, this movie has found everlasting life at Progressive Field, as it’s almost a guarantee to find a Rick Vaughn or Jake Taylor jersey there during any given game. The Indians have even accepted the fact that this fictional team is one of the most successful…

Before you lose your mind, consider that this might actually be a pretty cool move. I know, it’s hard. We all like to raise hell when it comes to people taking dumps over beloved characters with reboots, especially when the person doing the dumping is Michael Bay. So it’s especially hard to think that any news regarding Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles could be good news – even if Bay (maybe) barely had any role in the decision at all – but this could be the exception. Consider what the turtles are: a fun-loving, joking group of pizza-eating ninjas. Rarely do they take…

For the first time since he walked away from his popular TV show Chappelle’s Show in 2005, comedian Dave Chappelle will be making his first true headlining appearance in New York City on June 19 at Radio City Music Hall. And after a number of sets last year – including a surprise appearance with Chris Rock at the Comedy Cellar in NYC and touring with the Oddball Comedy & Curiosity Festival – it’s probably safe to say that Chappelle is officially back in the comedy world. Sure, 2013 could be noted as his obvious return, but two consecutive years of headlining…

Red band trailers are a double-edged sword. On one hand, you get a better feel for what kind of movie you’ll be seeing, but you’ll also potentially be seeing some of the best R-rated content in it. In the case for Let’s Be Cops, it at least gives the movie a fighting chance for an audience because its raunchiness and vulgarity will likely have to be the laurels upon which it rests. So far, so good. Starring Jake Johnson and Damon Wayans Jr. (both of whom you can currently enjoy on New Girl), Let’s Be Cops looks like it could end up being…

In a recent interview with Rolling Stone to promote his documentary Harmontown (which chronicles his time away from the particularly dark period of Community), Dan Harmon let loose some incredibly vague details about a project he and Mitchell Hurwitz could maybe, sort of, kind of be working on. Saying it would be a project that would “embrace the emerging mediascape,” Harmon sounds more like a boss spewing buzzwords than someone offering anything substantial. But, obviously, it’s not something he should really talk about much. The most anyone should know is that the two are talking about collaborating, and that’s exciting for those of…

 “I put mo’ money in the community than you got in yo’ budget/ I wipe my ass with yo’ advance to the toilet then flush it./ My last stance be a stance of a General Custer/ I hot dog cause I can, I got the cheese and mustard. – Nelly, “Heart of a Champion” If you’re a Millenial, you sure as hell know who Nelly is. It was impossible to grow up not bumping to “Country Grammar, “Ride Wit Me” and, of course, “Hot in Herre,” especially at school dances where faculty members had to endure the sight of awkward…