Author: Steve DiMatteo

Matt Lynch and Amanda ReCupido are a husband-and-wife team of writers and die-hard Chicago Cubs fans. As a Cleveland Indians fan myself, that is… painful, but I told myself I could get through this and not go down the rabbit hole of thinking what might have been if not for that rain delay after Rajai Davis hit the game-tying home run in Game Seven of the World Series in 2016… Anyway! Amanda and Matt have written a fantastic children’s book called Anthony Rizzo Is a Good Italian Boy, and even bitter Indians fans like me can recognize that it’s an essential book…

You know when you’re just going about your day and you’re suddenly blindsided by some BULLSHIT that just sends you into an uncontrollable rage and you black out for a bit, waking up to find out you took off your pants and punched a hole through the wall? We’ve all been there, and today my moment came when I learned that the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council is trying to dictate how people should be eating their hot dogs. The council put together an extensive list of “unpretentious” rules for eating hot dogs, but the most egregious example of…

Humanity’s greatest fault is its hubris, which is on display every year as baseball stadiums around the country unveil their new food offerings for the upcoming season. Gone are the days of getting a simple hot dog or a bag of peanuts at the game. The simplicities we have been blessed with no longer suffice. We have now entered a horrific cycle of the masses clamoring for more innovation, more exotic tastes, more boundary-pushing – with no thought to the consequences. And now I fear we have reached the moment where we risk retaining any of the qualities that made us human in the first place.…

“We are privileged to live among brilliant and passionately inquisitive people, and in a time when the search for knowledge is generally prized.” – Carl Sagan, Cosmos Here at Robot Butt, we prize the search for knowledge above all else, and we like to showcase that. So with that in mind, here are some of our favorite search terms used to discover the site in February: do boogers have carbs tribble sex king keebler what are people doing right now fuckable fruits does trump have a food taster human meat in mcdonald’s food is it true sylvester stallone bulge antifa facts ice…

Believe it or not, but Robot Butt was born out of an anthropological desire to understand humanity at a much deeper level. Which is why every month, we compile all of the most insightful, thought-provoking search terms that brought people to the site and share it with you – when we all gain this shred of wisdom, it means nothing but good things for the ongoing development of the human race. Anyway, here’s an unedited list of terms from January: i fucking hate leafblowers meatloaf song about pegging elves are not lewd museum of penis kim jong un snapchat not…

I am like, really smart. Anybody who knows me will tell you the exact same thing. And though I know I am very smart, I feel I need to make this very clear because I have many enemies spreading lies about me and the reasons why I am currently standing in the middle of the freeway butt naked, screaming to all of the stopped cars and onlookers my warnings about the inter-dimensional opening of the Fourth Parallel. I don’t expect you to understand why I’m doing this, or even why I’m here on the overpass completely naked. As a very…

In today’s “fake news” society, it’s more important than ever to seek out knowledge, to always be willing to read more and learn the facts about the world around you. Here at Robot Butt, we like to celebrate that, so we’ve put together an unedited list of some of our favorite search terms that brought people to the site in December: spider bite the penis trump sundowning pepe le pew sexual harassment trump food taster steve bannon looks like a bum puppies driving cars trump crayon drawing location of heaven matt damon nipples keebler elf politician swastika screensaver disney xenomorph…

Rex Tillerson is the 69th Secretary of State (nice), but it’s sure starting to feel like he won’t be for much longer. The beginning of the end for the 69th Secretary of State (nice) in United States history came a couple months ago, when Tillerson didn’t really deny that he’s been calling President Trump a moron and probably a lot of better, funnier things behind his back. Tillerson, who is the 69th Secretary of State (nice), even called a press conference to say that he wasn’t resigning despite rumors to the contrary, and it felt like that was that. But…

At this point, there’s pretty much nothing that would surprise me when it comes to people of status or man-children who filled their diapers all the way to the Oval Office committing heinous acts. In this desperately needed wave of revelations, we’ve seen so many awful people go down in flames that it’s hard not to act like we’ll all just be learning about a new monster each and every day from here on out. But I will say this: if we ever find out Tom Hanks is a sexual deviant or a dog butcher or has been secretly paying…

As is our custom here at Robot Butt, we like to showcase the inquisitive minds drawn to our site each month. This October was no different, as people used a wide variety of…unique search terms to visit us. Here is just a sampling of our favorites: alex jones bikini is ted cruz jack the ripper? pudding factory general lee gif santa claus insurance boogers the devil godzilla birthday party human flesh mcdonalds trump sundowning butt chocolate panda babes eric trump vampire eric trump shirtless every grunt in home improvement did elon musk sell his soul to lucifer for success in…