February 14, 2025 My beloved Giant Octopus, Happy Valentine’s Day to my wife of fifteen years! I have loved you since the moment we defrosted from our joint hibernation, when a pod of crazed whales thrashed against our glacier of love and we consummated violently, erotically, ecstatically to the tantalizing tune of mayhem and carnage. You have always been the smartest sea-creature I know—vertebrate or in-. You excel as a wife, a mother, and a partner. You are my lifeblood itself, and now that you are heavily, gorgeously pregnant with our seventeenth spawn-baby, I believe it is exactly the right…
Author: Swati Sudarsan and Molly O. Kemper
Swati Sudarsan and Molly O. Kemper
Swati Sudarsan (she/they) and Molly O . Kemper (she/her) are two St. Nell's Humor Residency alums who live in the NYC area. Their joint writing has previously appeared in The Belladonna and Little Old Lady Comedy. Swati is a Pushcart Prize nominee and has also been published in McSweeney's, Catapult, and more. You can find more of Molly’s writing in MUTHA and Greener Pastures magazines.