It’s 3 a.m. when I hear a loud thud downstairs. I gently, respectfully, tenderly, shove my husband out of bed to go check. Could it be a fire? Or, God forbid, a burglar? My husband only curses at me once as he bravely heads down the stairs. After a moment I hear the squeak of shoes on hardwood, the shuffle of a struggle, and the shatter of glass. I tiptoe downstairs quietly, and there, in my kitchen, are two masked burglars. My husband is on the floor, tied and gagged. I scream. The shattered glass was from my Vitamix being…
Author: Tara Millette
Tara Millette
Tara Millette is a humor and copy writer based in Philadelphia. She trained as an actor in NYC and as a satirist with Second City. She likes to end things on a joke. Twitter: @lazyginger, Website: taramillette.com.