Hoo boy! What can I say about 2020? It was a year that was definitely… a year. Maybe even two. It was a year that sadly kept us from surrounding ourselves with loved ones, liked ones, and even some secretly hated ones we were planning on keeping around until they weren’t useful to us anymore. Instead, it forced us to surround ourselves with plenty of walls to shield us from all the tiny invisible death particles floating in the air. If you ask me, walls are the unsung heroes of 2020. So, to honor these brave beige barricades, I’ve put…
Author: Tyler Holme
Tyler Holme
Tyler tells people he's originally from Detroit. He's not. He's from Redford Township, Michigan but he used to be able to see the Detroit border from his house. So that's close. Tyler is a comedy writer and award-winning filmmaker whose articles have been shared on sites around the internet and whose films have screened in film festivals around the world. He spent some time in Chicago where he graduated from Columbia College Chicago. He now runs a production company based in Denver with his good pal, Ben. Ben's a good guy too.
So your first semester away at college didn’t go so well. All you want to do is have a nice, relaxing trip home for the holidays, but your six-year-old cousin challenges you to the “Name the State Capitals Game” on your first day back and he completely wipes the floor with you. You’ve officially hit rock bottom. How do you possibly come back from that? Here are five ways to regain your dignity and salvage the rest of your vacation: 1. A surefire way to regain your dignity is to immediately shotgun a beer in front of your six-year-old cousin.…
The Fake News Media has been at it again this week with their LIES. They WRONGLY said I called Apple CEO Tim Cook “Tim Apple,” which couldn’t be more wrong, because I know names very well. Then the Democrats on Twitter got mad at me for going down to the great state of Alabama and autographing a couple covers of my favorite book, the Bible, which is so good. The best! They want to know, “What was Trump thinking?” Well, I thought it was pretty obvious what I was thinking, but in case it wasn’t, I would like to clarify…
Many of you believe Netflix is killing the future of cinema and that I, legendary New York filmmaker Martin Scorsese, committed cinematic treason when I chose to make my latest film The Irishman for the streaming giant for the very generous price of $100 million. Well, I’m here to tell you to quit worrying. Sure, Netflix floated a few minor suggestions my way, but my new film is pure cinema, baby! For instance, you know how I always have characters breaking the fourth wall in my flicks? Well, guess what? I do that in this one too! BOOM! Same…
Good afternoon. Yes, it’s me Science. I know what you’re thinking. “Eww! Science is a girl?!” Listen, if God can be a tall white dude with a flowing beard and affinity for bathrobes, why wouldn’t Science be a tiny Latina with an incredible pantsuit collection? Anyway, today I am standing here before you, all of humanity, because I have invented a new device that will revolutionize spinal cord surgery. It will heal all forms of nerve damage and even cure most forms of paralysis from the comfort of your home. It is by far one of the biggest scientific breakthroughs in…
Tis the season of high alert! Christmas is right around the corner and millions of people will be putting their lives at risk in order to buy presents for their loved ones. We need to take real, practical action to protect our citizens from a potential attack during the holliest and jolliest time of the year. That’s why I am here today to announce the NRA’s plan to back a new bill that will put a gun in the hand of each and every Santa Claus across the country! Every mall Santa, Salvation Army Santa, and actor who has portrayed…