Under Your Bra Strap Your bra strap is going to rub on it all day, reminding you it’s there, but there’s nothing you can do. It’s just far enough on your back that you can’t break it alone, and if you get someone else to break it, the blood will stain your shirt. Suffer in silence. The Back of Your Neck Put your hair in a ponytail to get some summer time relief and BAM – now everyone can see this white-headed monster. At least it’s invisible to you. On Your Thigh Where Your Legs Rub Together Not only are you getting…
Author: Victoria Edel
Victoria Edel
Victoria Edel is a writer from Brooklyn, NY. Her work has appeared in McSweeney's, The Belladonna, and the New York Observer. She loves New York Mets third baseman David Wright with all her heart and soul.
Stormtrooper You’ll get universal healthcare, but it’s administered by a large, intractable bureaucracy, like everything in the Empire. And if you get shot in battle, the other Stormtroopers are going to leave you there, so good luck not bleeding out on Hoth from an easily-stitched head wound. Smuggler How good are you at smuggling prescription drugs? Male Senator Whether your appendages are alien or humanoid, your erectile dysfunction drugs will be covered by your taxpayer-funded insurance. Female Senator Yes, technology is so advanced a literal robot will deliver your baby, but you’ll still die in childbirth. Queen’s Decoy The queen…
Hi honey! After the Oscars I finally watched that movie you said you liked, Lady Bird. The one you said, “spoke to our relationship as mother and daughter” or something? Your father didn’t want to watch it, but I told him what you said so he said fine. He fell asleep halfway through anyway, so who cares what he thinks? But I have some questions about why it reminded you of me. I am nothing like that mother. She’s so overbearing and annoying and is trying to ruin her daughter’s life! I would never do that. I’m not a drag! I mean…