Author: Walt Braley

I want more than anything to be able to write one of these articles about a weird corporate partnership comic book Marvel or DC did and feel shocked or confounded, but at this point, it seems I need to accept that every brand on Earth has paid to have a canon comic hero who is extremely powerful and best friends with every popular hero. This time, we have to look at “The Technician,” Craftsman’s maintenance themed superhero that for reasons I’ll never understand unless I become an editor at DC wasn’t just named “The Craftsman.” In 2012, Craftsman paid buckets…

Earlier today I sat down to write an article titled “When Did Long John Silvers Stop Speaking Fish?” You see, in 2011, the fried fish fast food chain began using the slogan “we speak fish” in their marketing. I always thought it was funny, and referenced it out loud recently, only for no one else to remember it. This made me want to figure out when and why they abandoned the phrase. I failed to do that. I genuinely looked around for a bit and could not find a simple answer to my question. I still plan to dig deeper,…

We know that if you’re reading this, you’re likely skimming in-between looking up at dubbed Squid Game or the new season of the hit reality competition series The Traitors. We want to make sure you know that we respect your time and appreciate your limited attention, so we’ve designed this funny listicle to be easily readable while still intaking other media. Here’s the article: 10 Cereal Mascots Deemed Too Terrifying for Children With the popularity of Frankenberry and Count Chocula, a number of other cereal brands thought the key to success was to come up with a horrifying character to…

I’ve been writing a lot about weird comics and brand integrations lately, and this was supposed to just be more of the same. This article should be titled “Let’s Talk About Captain Citrus,” but no, they pushed me too far this time. It isn’t enough to discuss this forgotten hero. I now need to destroy him. Before I cover our comedy site with his blood, let me tell you who captain citrus is. Originally, he was just a simple mascot for the Florida Department of Citrus (FDOC). He also looked like this: Or in our world, this: Then, in 2014,…

Long before the Green M&M’s sexy heels made conservatives too horny and caused a national emergency, the anthropomorphized candies were controversial icons. The classic Red and Yellow commercials, featuring 3D animated M&M characters that seem to exist in our world, have been running since the late 90’s, and the “are they cannibals?!” jokes and theories started almost immediately. But the jokes being well-worn doesn’t mean we don’t deserve an answer! A widely accepted truth seems to be that the living M&Ms are a type of being, and the candy is just made in their likeness. Less cannibalistic and more akin…

Comic book tie-in ads have never been that rare, but in the 90’s they were likely in every comic issue that Marvel produced. Spider-Man would rescue Capn’ Crunch from pirates, or The Hulk would fight off thugs to protect his Hostess Apple Pies, but it wasn’t exactly commonplace for an entire comic book to be devoted to brand promotion. Enter Combo Man. A new overpowered Marvel hero that was created in 1995 to promote the actual snack, Combos. Not the point, but I didn’t even know Combos had been around since the 90’s, much less that they had their own…

It’s 1993, Michael Bay is still two years away from directing his first feature film, Bad Boys. He’s known as one of the best video directors in the business, having directed iconic media like a Vanilla Ice music video and the September 1990 Playboy video centerfold. He then gets his first crack at the big time, directing an ad for the California Milk Processor Board, or “Big Milk” as their known in most industry circles. The ad lacks Bay’s classic mise en scene of explosions or Optimus Prime driving on a bridge in Shanghai, but is still worth a watch.…

Here is a normal comic about early mobile telephones. Cellular is available to rent on any of your favorite digital movie platforms.

I recently learned that, technically, you don’t need a state-issued driver’s license to drive a car in an official NASCAR sanctioned race. It got me wondering, what other things feel like they definitely require a license, but don’t. I did some digging and it turns out none of these “require” a license. 10. Fly a “light” aircraft It turns out, much like NASCAR, flying a light aircraft has its own licensing procedures. That said, flying a “large” aircraft in the U.S. has a licensing system that also requires a valid driver’s license. Neat! 9. Drive a farm tractor or moped…

Here is a normal cartoon about the sun.