Author: Walt Braley

Here’s a normal cartoon about a fun-loving Greek Wrap!

This is unfortunately real. It appears that in May of 2023 I started a draft of what I can only assume was going to be an article for this website with the words “Dear Funko.” While combing my folders for finished or unfinished pieces, I stumbled across what is potentially my magnum opus, or what was potentially not a comedy article at all. For reasons I wish I could remember, I wrote “Dear Funko” into a Google doc titled “Funko request,” then closed it, and moved on with my life. Here is a screenshot showing when I created this doc…

In one of the more confounding marketing moves we’ve seen recently, fitness clothing juggernaut Under Armour seems to be trying something completely new with their new Spring line of Menswear. Instead of their usual dry-fit tops, designed for athletic activities, the company is instead selling, “not wearing a shirt at all.” They are doing a big push for this new “anti-shirt,” with ads popping up all over social media, mostly in my feed specifically. This new non-product is one size fits all and being sold for around 40 bucks, and what we’ve seen, buyers are just running their credit cards…

Picture unrelated. I’m sure this isn’t the ideal place to tell you this, and I’d imagine if you just stumble onto this you’ll feel pretty embarrassed and confused, but yeah, if you live in the apartment below mine, in 2N, I can hear you having sex. No jokes in this one. No judgement either. It’s fine, I’m just genuinely baffled by the acoustics of it all. It sounds like you’re inside my walls. Wait… can you hear me having sex? … Let us know in the comments down below!

You can help us complete our latest tech innovation. A stunning new Death Star that will surely be the one that helps us conquer the galaxy without issue. Attention all planets of the former Galactic Republic, I represent the First Galactic Empire in this request for militaristic aid against the insurrectionist scum that have taken to calling themselves the Rebel Alliance. In case you have not received the transmissions, the interplanetary terrorists have once again blown up our space station super weapon commonly referred to as the “Death Star.” Therefore, we are looking to crowdfund enough credits to once again…

In the last week, local restaurant owner Joey Anthill has been called a number of things, including “thief,” “mistreated small business owner,” and even “not worthy of this news cycle.” Well, after some coercing and a half dozen to-go orders of ravioli, we convinced the man that is in the middle of a heated lawsuit with Italian pasta giant Olive Garden to sit down and tell us his side. WB: First, I just want to say thank you for sitting down and doing this. You’ve been in the media a lot lately, it must be nice to have an opportunity…

Please show these to your fathers, and let me know if they would believe they are real and then be proud of you.

WILMINGTON, N.C. – Local man Charles Sniffer got more than he bargained for last week when he… Okay, I can’t do this. Steve, if you’re reading this on the site, I apologize. I know you told me to fix the grammar mistakes you flagged then throw this up, but I have to go rogue with this one. I can’t wrap my head around the picture you put with this. That’s all I can think about. I couldn’t sleep last night because I was just trying to unravel this photo. Let’s start with what I know. I know the way you…

I am not a fool. I know that a lot of you think I did it. Despite overwhelming evidence proving me innocent in a court of law (the Yellow gloves found in the conservatory did not fit, I’ll remind you), so many out there still believe I murdered Mr. Boddy on that fateful night in that horrid mansion. All because Mrs. Peacock, who we should remember is not an officer of the law, said that I did it… and arguably because I eventually fled the scene and ended up in a small chase on my trusty horse, Bronco. Well, let…

‘Scuse me, cowpoke. I haven’t seen you around here before. I’m the sheriff of this here town you’ve stopped in. I’ve seen your type before. Black coat, black boots, black hat. All black except that shiny silver six shooter hanging on the hip there. I bet yer thinkin’ this whole saloon hushed and whispered when your spurs came through that swingin’ door because we all know you’re one bad outlaw. Well, think again and then think it through a third time, it was actually because according to code 6-7a set by the town fire marshall, having over twenty-five people inside…