Author: Walt Braley

Skeletons… 10. Skeleton Skeleton. 9. Skeleton Skeleton. 8. Skeleton Skeleton. 7. Skeleton Skeleton. 6. Skeleton Skeleton. 5. Skeleton Skeleton. 4. Skeleton Skeleton. 3. Skeleton Skeleton. 2. Skeleton Skeleton. 1. Skeletons Skeletons!

Shelly Means’ whole life might be falling apart. Her relationships with her husband, therapist, social circle, and even her dog are becoming strained, but she can fix all of it if she can just finish building her beach house in the Hamptons. Amy Fusselman’s new novel The Means is a satirical take on wealth and the oh so many stresses that stem from it. I was lucky enough to get to talk with Amy about the novel, as well as about writing humor as a whole. Walt: I wanted to talk about writing for humor sites because a lot of…

The Gray Man – Stabbed in a Loud Room I’m in a Brazilian nightclub on a surveillance mission that was given a 1 – star risk estimate. Long before I spot my mark the Gray man walks up and stabs me 6 times on the dance floor. The bass drops in a Skrillex song right as I scream and I go completely unnoticed. He sits me down on a bench nearby and people assume I’m passed out drunk. I’m not found for 4 days. Casino Royale – Destitution I lose 15 million dollars of government money in less than an…

I’m going to pretend two completely separate ways to spend time are somehow linked in an “either-or” sort of way, then I’m going to do some strategically biased straw-manning, and finally, I’m even going to use a dated study I didn’t conduct, all to push my agenda of convincing you that movies are too long. So just walk with me on this one, okay? Cleaning: 66 Minutes According to a 2015 report by The Bureau of Labor Statistics, the average person over 15-years-old spends the following amount of time on chores: 13 minutes per day cleaning up the kitchen after…

The Harlem Globetrotters have garnered infamy for over eight decades through the terrible acts they commit every time they step on a basketball court. After every game, the nearest emergency room is packed full of innocent Washington Generals’ players needing broken ankles braced or athletic shorts surgically removed from around their ankles, but what about the path of destruction these showboating heathens leave off the court? I talked to three of the possible millions of people who were victimized by the Trotters’ incessant showmanship and will be sharing their stories in their own words.  Lindsay – Oak Park, IN The…

These days, we instantly identify our favorite companies just by hearing slogans such as “Just do it” or “We have the meats,” but what about all the slogans that didn’t make it into the echelon of pop culture? Here are some defunct slogans that didn’t cut it for many of the world’s most recognizable brands. Long John Silvers: “We Speak Fish!” This 2011 catchphrase was removed from advertising campaigns after barely a year. Yikes, I guess the fish-to-human language barrier proved to be too much! Pepsi: “We Say Thank You in Person After Every Purchase.” We have to assume this…

8. Olive Garden (Indiana) We all know at least one person who has fallen prey to one of restaurant work’s silliest rules. It’s almost never permitted to eat leftover food, even if it’s going to be thrown away. That’s what makes it all the more frustrating that this unnamed individual from Glendale, Indiana was fired after he was caught taking a to-go box of extra food home at the end of his shift. What has the country come to where its preferred ravioli alfredo goes in the garbage instead of home with an underpaid dishwasher? 7. FedEx (Indiana) What’s more…

Create an enticing business on LinkedIn and continuously view their profile, despite never posting any job openings. Tell them you think you could get them an interview where you work, then never bring it up again for as long as you live. Go for a hug, only to stealthily tape a large piece of paper to their back that reads, “Doesn’t have 2-4 years of experience.” List an internship as “paid” on Indeed only to then note that it is unpaid somewhere within the two-page job description. Offer to let them see the resume you used to get hired, even…

With season six of the hit CW drama Riverdale coming back from its midseason break on March 20th, speculation on what is in store for the beloved cast of characters is at an all-time high. Here’s a quick rundown of where all of our favorites were at the end of the midseason finale, and a glimpse of what might be next for them, guaranteed by the teaser to be “the most shocking, surprising, and unexpected episodes yet.” Archie: Arguably the main character of Riverdale, Archie Adkins spent the first half of this season navigating a tense love triangle involving Betty…

We didn’t send this letter to you directly, but if you’re reading it right now, we both know it’s meant for you. You may have noticed your texts were unanswered yesterday, or that someone was missing during your nightly routine of watching exactly three episodes of Modern Family before bed. Let’s cut to the chase. We took them. We have the person closest to you, and if you ever want to see them again, we have some demands. Okay, after some reshuffling we actually only have one demand. Pick the restaurant where you two will be eating tonight. We had…