Hey, uh, so should I be, like, worried? This morning, when I went to open the door, I was suddenly frozen and a giant text bubble popped up in front of me. It said that I should “make sure to finish all side quests and tie up all loose ends” before proceeding. Completely ignoring the fact that text crawls apparently exist in real life, is this just some kind of suggestion or something? I’m just kind of freaking out a little bit. I don’t have any “side quests” that I know of, except maybe folding some laundry or stopping by…
Author: Walt Braley
Walt Braley
Walt Braley is an editor for the site you're reading right now. He took up comedy after being unmasked and forced to retire comically early in his luchador wrestling career.
Pop open this humor zine at your office to easily convince everyone around you that you are the company’s top performer!
They REALLY didn’t want to do it. I built real website and found the only grocery vendor group in the U.S. willing to ship Bologna on a direct to customer basis. They stressed to me this was a bad idea both financially and health-wise. My “friend” Kevin works at this agency and it’s my understanding that he makes A LOT more money than me. We were both at a social event (Susan B.’s wedding) and he wouldn’t stop talking about his cool job and how they just got to do a full campaign for the Motorola Edge 40. They mostly…
We are so thrilled to take a VERY short break from appropriate remembrances to celebrate YOU, you big fucking stupid idiot. You had so many chores and other random inconveniences to take care of this weekend and you put them off completely because you thought you’d easily find time during the long weekend. It’s just one more day you moron! You didn’t do them Friday night or Saturday, okay, that’s acceptable. We get it. But Sunday!? What did you do all day!? Now you have to do all of them today like a total scrub. Enjoy doing your dishes or…
This new sandwich shop has a unique and completely unappealing approach to upscale lunch dining.
Tickets! We are doing a live show this Friday at the Bughouse Theater in Chicago. It will feature robot dancing, headlines, quizzes, try not to laugh challenges, and more crowd interaction than any performer or audience member should be comfortable with. I can guarantee it will be genuine chaos and unlike any live comedy show you have ever seen. We have put WAY too much work into it and if you come it will make me so unbelievably happy… Unless you do what I am about to offer. Any audience member who brings a can or bottle of Mountain Dew…
HELP! I didn’t want to have to post here, because I hate using forums when I feel like there must be a simple solution to my issue, but I have truly tried everything I can think of. No matter what I am doing, this little paperclip guy keeps popping up on my computer screen. He doesn’t “do” anything. He keeps saying “it looks like you were using your computer. Would you like?” I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT IS ASKING ME? I thought maybe the dialogue was cutoff but I googled it and nope, that’s all it says. it doesn’t…
Despite having spent the last 50 years hitting dead-ends, having trails go cold, and consistently turning in his badge and gun because he doesn’t play by their rules, Detective William Striker has never solved his toughest case yet, catching the one-legged man that killed his wife in 1974. Having seen the massive criminal and financial success of true-crime podcasts, he has now decided to take his case to platforms like Spotify and Audible. When we asked Det. Striker about his new podcast he had this to say: “Most of chasing leads on a case like this is talking to particularly…
I’m not going to sue or anything. I’m just going to complain online a whole bunch and try to get ScreenRant to run a piece or whatever. Bare minimum it drives traffic to this site, maximum success is that Hasbro Media Company, the people that make my favorite shared cinematic universe (Transformers x GI Joe), send a real life hippo to my apartment to rip me limb from limb in front of my wife and step children. I die a hero in a way that their real dad Travis could never hope to. He comes to my funeral and gives…
EDITORS NOTE: They have sent a cease and desist. We owe them somewhere in the ballpark of $300,000. The pictures I used technically count as using Idris Elba’s likeness.