Come on, why not try something different this year and actually read that book your dad/mom/uncle/cousin’s family gave you? You know, the one about American history/self-improvement/Bitcoin/grilling. Think about it, there are words here and you are using your eyes on them. That’s exactly how that gift book you got works, only there’s also paper, more refined writing talent, and a much less passive-aggressive tone. Think about how smart you could be if you just popped open that hardback book that is small and square for some reason. We both know if you put it on the shelf/counter/bedside table, it will…
Author: Walt Braley
Walt Braley
Walt Braley is an editor for the site you're reading right now. He took up comedy after being unmasked and forced to retire comically early in his luchador wrestling career.
Once again, let us say happy holidays, merry Christmas, and we’re sorry! We wanted to post a normal Christmas card today but our order got screwed up and another client got our text while we got their image. We didn’t know which one was more acceptable to use, so we’re just sharing both. Whatever.
There’s a lot going on right now, with holidays in full swing and George Santos doing an interview with Ziwe, but we can’t get distracted and forget that December 20th means it is once again officially Grinch season. The time of year when it is legal to kill the Grinch via any means. Tracking him to his snowy hideout and waiting at the door with a big mallet raised above your head is our pick this year, but don’t be scared to get creative! You can even get the kids involved. It’s never too early to teach them how to…
Jackson Parker, a Local legend in the coal town Markston, Indiana, found an epic life hack this year. By acting like a total asshole for the last twelve months, he’s practically guaranteed that Santa will bring him enough coal to earn him a nice paid vacation from the evil depths of the mines. “It wasn’t really intentional, It’s just my typical overall temperament.” Parker said when asked how he came up with his vacay earning scheme. However, his answer doesn’t have us convinced. I think the 45-year-old cave-dweller is just being humble. I talked to one his coworkers to get…
Guys, I didn’t buy a Cybertruck because it looks like what Robocop would drive. Could you imagine if I did that? No one can imagine it. No one. My wife would be so mad at me if she imagined that even a little. Good thing I didn’t do that. I bought the Cybertruck because it’s cool and efficient and, uh, it’s electric, I think? I DID NOT buy it because it looks like what cyborg Officer Alex James Murphy would patrol the streets of neo-futuristic Detroit in. No sir, that would be a very silly reason to spend $100,000 of…
My step brother Jason’s favorite video game added a new DLC today, allowing players to experience the wonderfully mediocre world of Mega Bloks. I’m not all that close to Jason, and often feel like we don’t have enough in common to make small talk at the holidays. We both play video games, but rarely do our interests align. He does seem to love Player Unknown’s Battlegrounds, though. He’s always telling me how he squad-wiped in a trios with only a Famas, and I’m always like, “damn, sounds cool, did you hear Sheryl refer to us both as ‘her boys’ earlier?…
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A video from 2022 has been rediscovered where new House Speaker Mike Johnson reveals that to fight porn addiction, him and his son use an eroticism monitoring app that notifies the other whenever one attempts to view pornography. I haven’t seen the video, but assume he is being waterboarded or slammed against a desk by Batman when he gives this information. Otherwise why would he say it. Regardless, he’s been catching a lot of flack in the media lately. I am here to say that I don’t think it’s that weird. What’s wrong with a father and his son 17-year-old…
Elon Musk debuted his own competitor in the AI space this week with Grok, a machine learning tool designed to answer anyone’s questions, no matter how abstract or difficult. We were lucky enough to get to sit down with Grok, and ask it anything we could think of, and see if it really does have all the answers. Robot Butt: Hello, Grok. We’d love to ask you some questions. How are you? Grok: Hello, hi, hi, you can ask me anything and I have answer for you. I am good, thank for asking. I just watched hit Marvel Entertainment film…