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Author: Walt Braley
Walt Braley
Walt Braley is an editor for the site you're reading right now. He took up comedy after being unmasked and forced to retire comically early in his luchador wrestling career.
This post is timely, topical, and perfectly in season. Kids these days just aren’t scared of anything that’s in black and white. When you look at what terrifies the current crop of tweens it’s all possessed dolls and the government mandated 24-hour Purge. That’s why we’ve come up with these new spins on classic monster movies sure to chill the bones of modern audiences. Frankenstein: Lightning strikes, the monster lives! The next day he is discharged by Dr. Frankenstein and given a $300,000 bill for the medical treatment. The horror boils over as Frankenstein’s monster learns being sewn together with…
Wow, two letters in a row from me, an editor and person who is not spiraling in his personal life. You luck Halloween dogs! To breeze through this announcement, we love Halloween season and always receive a plethora of great content during the spooky season. Unfortunately, since I was lost in that haunted desert ravine for all of October, we missed the opportunity to post as much seasonal content as we would have liked to. So, we found this simple fix. I mailed the white house, and they approved us turning November into Halloween 2. You’re probably thinking “wait, do…
Hello loyal readers. This is Walt Braley, one of the two editors for this famous website. I wanted to take a fraction of your daily internet humor reading to make myself feel a little better by explaining why in the middle of September our posting consistency plummeted. This post is sincere and completely truthful. No jokes in this one. In mid-September, I lived one of my many beautiful dreams and co-directed my first feature film. I’m not going to expound on that because I promise in a couple of months it’s all I’m going to post about. Then, the day…
Robot Butt presents Jason’s Dozen. A hilarious collection of 13 blood-covered pieces on the film franchise Friday the 13th. Find out what a camp schedule from Crystal Lake looks like, learn why Jason should actually be made a counselor, read absurd essays from writers who have seen these movies too many times, and so much more. This anthology has something to offer whether you’re a Jason super fan, or only know of America’s favorite mass-murdering goalie through pop-culture. It’s too bad we only sell it from a shack deep in the woods… Want to hold this sopping-wet anthology in your…
STOP doing your dishes and come check this out. This guy got a new hat! Enough laundry! I need all your mental energy devoted right here, right now because he got a new hat! Hey guys, I had a lot of boring chores I needed to do today and didn’t do them. My wife is going to be pissed when she gets home from her spine surgery so I’m trying to come up with a quick excuse to deflect some of the heat. You know when a big pop culture thing happens and we all just collectively agree to only…
I AM AN IMBECILE! Literally three months ago Aaron told us all the date to mark for his “Slime Night.” He was very excited and made it very clear that we ALL needed to be there. He picked the date so far ahead so that we’d all be available. He even did the evil thing where we asked if we were free that day THEN told us what was happening after we’d all said we were free. He said if any of us cancel or back out we better “have a really good, sincere, and life-altering excuse.” He said if…
Hello internet user. You’ll find that you’ve really stepped in it this time. Yesterday, while you were watching a 22-minute Youtube essay about how they make some ski slopes harder than others, we jacked into your mainframe. Using a half dozen jailbroken Nintendo DSi’s connected to a laptop via fiber wires, we followed your data trail and hacked into your computer. More specifically, we got right into your Google Chrome web browser. You’re wondering what we were after… It’s simple, really. We’ve taken one of your tabs. Don’t believe me? Count. You’ll notice you had 46 and now have 44.…
“Action” Mac Carter has tactically handled situations that, on paper, are far more dangerous, but that doesn’t help him get out of this one any quicker. Sure, he’s stopped the vile Dr. Carnage from poisoning the water supply underneath the East Bay orphanage not once, not twice, but seventeen times, but our hero doesn’t wear sunglasses inside because he’s comfortable being socially embarrassed. Yep, everyone at this Medal of honor (his third) party will see him stand up awkwardly when his name is called. He knows if his left leg is still asleep when he walks to the podium he’s…
I am in need of a trainer or sensei to train me in the ancient ways of white guy karate. My intolerable step-brethren Jackson refuses to stop harassing me. His latest transgression on the long list of many is he moved all of my perfectly constructed Star Wars Lego AT-ATs (illegal act because they are my property, by the way) into a long, perverse, and most of all NOT CANON train wherein they appear to be humping each other like deer or other four-legged wildlife. I would like to do a cool ultra-instinct move to him that will leave him…