Author: Walt Braley

The Harlem Globetrotters have garnered infamy for over eight decades through the terrible acts they commit every time they step on a basketball court. After every game, the nearest emergency room is packed full of innocent Washington Generals’ players needing broken ankles braced or athletic shorts surgically removed from around their ankles, but what about the path of destruction these showboating heathens leave off the court? I talked to three of the possible millions of people who were victimized by the Trotters’ incessant showmanship and will be sharing their stories in their own words.  Lindsay – Oak Park, IN The…

These days, we instantly identify our favorite companies just by hearing slogans such as “Just do it” or “We have the meats,” but what about all the slogans that didn’t make it into the echelon of pop culture? Here are some defunct slogans that didn’t cut it for many of the world’s most recognizable brands. Long John Silvers: “We Speak Fish!” This 2011 catchphrase was removed from advertising campaigns after barely a year. Yikes, I guess the fish-to-human language barrier proved to be too much! Pepsi: “We Say Thank You in Person After Every Purchase.” We have to assume this…

8. Olive Garden (Indiana) We all know at least one person who has fallen prey to one of restaurant work’s silliest rules. It’s almost never permitted to eat leftover food, even if it’s going to be thrown away. That’s what makes it all the more frustrating that this unnamed individual from Glendale, Indiana was fired after he was caught taking a to-go box of extra food home at the end of his shift. What has the country come to where its preferred ravioli alfredo goes in the garbage instead of home with an underpaid dishwasher? 7. FedEx (Indiana) What’s more…

Create an enticing business on LinkedIn and continuously view their profile, despite never posting any job openings. Tell them you think you could get them an interview where you work, then never bring it up again for as long as you live. Go for a hug, only to stealthily tape a large piece of paper to their back that reads, “Doesn’t have 2-4 years of experience.” List an internship as “paid” on Indeed only to then note that it is unpaid somewhere within the two-page job description. Offer to let them see the resume you used to get hired, even…

With season six of the hit CW drama Riverdale coming back from its midseason break on March 20th, speculation on what is in store for the beloved cast of characters is at an all-time high. Here’s a quick rundown of where all of our favorites were at the end of the midseason finale, and a glimpse of what might be next for them, guaranteed by the teaser to be “the most shocking, surprising, and unexpected episodes yet.” Archie: Arguably the main character of Riverdale, Archie Adkins spent the first half of this season navigating a tense love triangle involving Betty…

We didn’t send this letter to you directly, but if you’re reading it right now, we both know it’s meant for you. You may have noticed your texts were unanswered yesterday, or that someone was missing during your nightly routine of watching exactly three episodes of Modern Family before bed. Let’s cut to the chase. We took them. We have the person closest to you, and if you ever want to see them again, we have some demands. Okay, after some reshuffling we actually only have one demand. Pick the restaurant where you two will be eating tonight. We had…

Finally, after Halo has dominated the pop culture landscape for twenty years, Paramount is striking while the iron is hot and making a television show based on the game series. Originally slated to come to the silver screen shortly after Halo 3’s 2007 release, the Halo series will debut this month on the world’s most popular streaming service, Paramount+. With this new master chief adventure surely being worth the wait, both fans and Paramount+ executives are wondering what else from 2007 is ripe for adaptation into a straight-to-streaming series.  8. Guitar Hero Following the success of all those musical biopics…

It will come as no surprise that our previous top ten lists ranking the best basketball, baseball, and football players of all time proved to be viral smash hits, far exceeding the expectations of the site. I mean, even though our lists of the best soccer, tennis, and golf players of all time didn’t reach anywhere near the same amount of success, they easily received thousands more hits than a typical comedy article does. So, keeping in mind that people love sports lists and that we love ad revenue, the team here at Robot Butt finally decided it was time…

You cannot stop me. You cannot kill me. Soon, I will be inside of your home.  You do not want me to come inside your home? I would very much like to be inside your home. I could easily place myself in your car or even your purse, but that will not please me. It is not my desire. No, I plan to come completely unimpeded into your house. Who do you think I am? What do you think I am? I am not a child. I am not human. I am ageless. I am flat. I am Stanley. I…

That’s right, enjoy your weight loss and new hobby resolutions, amateurs. I am going in a whole new direction this year. After the absolute bummer of a year I just had (multiple threats on my life, friends, and family), I am doing a full revamp (government-funded relocation).  I know resolutions are hard to stick to and life is unpredictable. I mean, my resolution last year wasn’t to witness local Chattanooga weatherman Carl Fisher choke a production assistant to death, but you know what they say God does when we make plans. Regardless, Fisher’s hired goons will have a lot of…