Photo credit: Peter Chiapperino The iconic California group The Beach Boys, touring without founding member and creative virtuoso Brian Wilson, further cemented its legacy during a show Sunday in Savannah, Georgia, when they produced harmonies previously unheard in modern music, albeit unintentionally. During “Surfer Girl,” “I Can Hear Music” and “Kokomo,” the hearing aids of two octogenarians on stage emitted sounds that transformed each rendition into an instant classic. The layers of pitch were so poignant, in fact, that two dozen women fainted – more than twice the typical number during shows when John Stamos is on drums. The fickle…
Author: William Vaillancourt
William Vaillancourt
William Vaillancourt's humor writing has appeared in How Pants Work, The Haven and The Halfway Post, among other places. Coincidentally, it has not appeared in other places as well.
An amicus brief opposing President Biden’s cancellation of up to $20,000 in student loan debt per borrower cites the hypothetical opinion of deceased actor John Wayne. “The Duke wouldn’t stand for this, you can be sure of that,” states the brief, filed in the Supreme Court by right-wing advocacy group Americans for Not Too Much Prosperity (ANTMP). “His opinion on student loan forgiveness wouldn’t be much different than his opinion on salads: ‘a bunch of liberal nonsense.’” It continues: “On screen and off, Mr. Wayne espoused the time-honored American virtues of rugged individualism and unwavering patriotism. He would surely hang…
Grilling up some burgers and dogs on this picturesque June afternoon, Sawyer? Better make room for that pimply face of yours. Oh wait, the grill’s not even on. Are you really using it as extra room for the containers of Thai food you picked up in town? Christ. You even brought chopsticks. And to think you’re the one who’s scared. You’ve probably never even grilled before. This is a top-of-the-line Weber, you know (of course you don’t). Do you buy all your meat pre-cut, too? Assuming you do eat meat, which I’m not so sure, not with those skinny arms…
A pleasure to see you all. Did you find my office all right? I know, I know, it’s in the podiatry department even though I’m a cardiologist. It’s just that here, I get that afternoon sun, which helps with my tan. My days of wearing makeup at work are over, and I could run into the press at any time, you know? Now Tin Man, I hear you need something for your heart? Well, there’s this great – no – outstanding medication that hit the market just this morning. It comes in the form of these turquoise, semi-translucent gel pills…
1. Your dog barks at him. Contrary to popular belief, dogs are known to bark at mailmen not because they just happen to be strangers entering your property, but because there really is a malicious aura about mailmen in particular. Just as dogs can detect bombs, drugs and cancer, they also alert you to deep state agents. Had this been known generations ago, they could have been weeded out then and there. Now, sadly, there’s just too many of them roaming the streets. 2. His steering wheel is on the right. The steering wheels in garbage trucks are on what…