Despite us humans being excited at the prospect of going outside or feeling sane for the first time in months,…
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SISIMIUT—An expatriate assigned by NASA to track Arctic shelf thinning has announced plans to bump into his third-grade love interest…
SOMEWHERE WITHOUT PHONE SIGNAL – Local rest stop mechanic (and seemingly only person to exist for a hundred miles) Gus…
CHICAGO – An area man realized this morning that he never actually wrote down those resolutions he was planning to…
NEW YORK – We’ve gotten word that the infamous Bobby “The Girder” Sanders has come out of retirement, breaking his…
CAMP WAMPANAKA – We’ve now confirmed that the infamous Camp Slaughter Killer has returned despite being shot, burned alive, and…
UNDISCLOSED BAD GUY WAREHOUSE – Reports came in this week that another massive shootout happened at the warehouse near da…
CHICAGO, IL – A writer for a relatively unknown parody and pop-culture site was seen today just chilling on his…
WASHINGTON DC – With 2024 having record-breaking highs in temperature nearly every single month, climate scientists have once again begged…
In a horrible reveal, our crack news team has found new information about the purpose of the mystery drones spotted…